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I Hate Making Tuff Choices. 

So I Had A Fabulous Life In CA. I Had Been Living There The Last Almost 2+ Years With My Ex BF. We Had A Great Condo. I Had Some Friends & A Good Job. I Was In The OC. Close To Disney, Huntington Beach, SD, MX, & WeHo. 

Well Mom Got Sick. I Dropped Everything & Came Back To Help. At First It Was Nice. But It Was Really Really Hard Being Back. She Was So Thankful At First, Kind & Sweet, As She Got Feeling Better We Began To Fight More & More. I Have Grown. I Am Stronger, Bigger, Better More Efficient. I Am.Not The Boy I Was Growing Up In Rual Idaho. 

I Will Always Be Thankful For Those Values. & Lessons I Have Learned. I have Grown & Become Something More, Made Amazing Friends, As Well As Had Some Truly Epic Life Experiences. I Am Proud Of Who I Have Become. The Relationships I Have / Have Had. I Have Learned To Draw Healthy Boundaries. Not Allow People To Mistreat Me. I Know How To Work, And Hustle To Get What I Want. I Have That Drive. I Am So Thankful For My Blessings! 

Well I Made The Best Of My Time In IDF. I Tried Very Hard To Do & Be My Best With Family. Mend Bridges. I Had Two Great Jobs. For That Rual Small Town Probably Two Of The Best Paying & Most Fun. Working Serving, Bartending & Security At TXRH & Also At The Celt. 

Well The Holliday’s Are Busy And Very Much Don’t Bring Out The Best In People. I Made A Crazy Amount Of Money. I Was On All My Meds & Working 10 – 15+ Hour Days. For a Short Time I Had A Fabulous Loft Also. Still Believe In The Church. I Am Just Not Active. I Drink & Date Guys. But I Work Hard, I Try To Be There For Others, Love Them & Be A Good Example. To: “Be The Guy I Needed When I Was Younger.”

Well Mom Fought With Me & Kicked Me Out In A Horrible Snow Storm. On My Birthday. I Should Have Taken All The Money I Was Making And Left Back To LA / WeHo. That Is Really Where Feels Like Home Now Days.

 I Should Have Followed My Gut. I Tried To Stay To Help Both Jobs I Was Working Through The Holliday’s. I Loved The Money. And I Wanted To Be There For My Family For The Holliday’s. And My Brother’s Wedding…. Well I Wasted Almost $1000. + On Cabs & A Hotel. Being a Nasty Winter.

 I Was Treated Horribly By Family The Ones I Love Most! & Put In A Very Bad / Compromised Situation. As a Result Of Being Homeless I Could Not Afford The Hotel…

 I Lost Both Jobs. My Mom Made Sure I Was Not Going To My Brother’s Wedding A 2nd Time & Lies Were Made Up, Believed And Told About Me To my Family. My Heart Was Ripped, Torn & Broken In A Way It Had Not Been Since My Complicated Ass Childhood. I Get It.

 I Can Be Alot To Deal With. But I Am.Worth It. I Am Loyal, Honest, Strong & Driven. I Love My Mom & Family. She Is A Great Lady But I Have No Idea Why…. They Do / Have Done So Much Of The Shit They Have Done… It’s Hard Hurtful & Horrible. 

Only The Ones You Really Love Can Hurt You….

Well I Had To Start Over With Literally Nothing. A Place I Had Been In Before But Not For Years & Years. And I Swore I’d Never Ever Let Anyone Put Me In That Position Again. I Had The Clothing On My Back. And Love My Friends & Networks. But My “Good Friends” Were Nowhere To Be Found When I Really Needed Them. 

Because Of The Help Of My HF, A Friend & Strangers. And A Lot Of Hard Work On My Own I Found A Place To Live In Rual, Ghetto Pocatello. In Student Housing. Was Able To Wash What I Had. Had Internet & I Got 2 Decent Jobs. 

I Survived. But Went Alot Of Days Very Hungry. I Struggled. It’s Hard To Stay Happy & Positive & Driven In Such A Situation. But I Made It. I Have Not Down Anything Technically Illegal In Years Like 10+ Since My Hacking / Fraud. Days. And Even When I Was Doing That. I Stuck To My Values. I Never Stole From Family Or Friends. I Tried To Be There For Others. Anyways. Being So Freaking Slow Here The Nastyest Winter In Decades. Plus Being Right After The Holliday’s It Took Me 2/3 Weeks To Get Working. 

I Was Glad To Have Another One Of My Good Friends & Ex’s Close To Talk Too. Well. I Even Got A 3rd Great Job With VZ So I Had Chipotle, Red Lobster & Job With VZ Going For Me. I Still Hated How Slow & Backward. It Felt Here. I Made The Comment I Felt Like I Was Getting Dummber, Or Losing My Edge Just Being Here. It Really Makes You Thankful For What You Have / Have Had. I Set a Plan To Be Back In LA – WeHo In 5-6 Months.

I Had Been On Social Media More. Was Healing, Working On Being Healthy As I Could. Walking Alot. And Hideing From The Cold Watching Hulu / Netflix. I Had Not Really Been On Grinder Here Because Nothing Really Changes Here. I Saw A Boy Who Looked Normal & Kinda Cute. I Decided To Talk To Him. He Was Cute / Fun. Made My Day! 

I Worked & Came Home We Traded Pix, Talked & Got To Know Eatchother. I Have Ended Up Going On Dates, Cuddling, Watching Movies & Hanging Out With This Amazing Guy Amost Everyday / Everynight. 

I Really Care About Him & Like Him. He Likes Me The Same Way & Even Said The L Word. It’s Been So Fun & I Have Been So Happy. Also Been Waiting On My Background Check From The VZ Job! That Is Something I LOVE / Am Passionate About: Tech, Wireless, Sales. I Am So a People Person. I Had This Great Guy In My Life Finally Almost Off Training At My Jobs.

My Life, It Was Coming Together. 

I Was Kinda Happy!! Like When I Was With My Ex & We Were BF’s Or When I Was Alive Living In The Gay Mecca Of Castro Or WeHo. Or When It Was Busy at Harvey’s Or Celt! 

So Of Course Something Had To Happen. 

I Love The Diversity At ISU. It’s A Tiny Patch In All Of ID Reminds Me Of SF. (When I Was In SF I Missed UT – ID) So IDK.

 Well I Had 2 Indian Roomates That Took Over Contracts The Way I Did At Bengal Creek. This Place Is A Shit Show The Way It’s Ran. Anyways The Two Indian Guys Got Kicked Out. ūüė¶ In The Middle Of This They Figured Out I Was Not Marcus, Had Not Taken It Over Right Either..It All Turned Into A Shit Show Even Tho His Room Is Paid Till May.

 So I Again Was Without A Place To Stay So Again Days On The Computer Looking Up My Options Applying And Looking For Jobs, Rooms, Places Here, PDX & LA. My Buddy  George I Have Lived With Before Said I Could Stay With Him. I Could Transfer My Jobs & Already Had People Calling To Offer Me Jobs There. Still Waiting To Hear On The VZ Job Here I Really Wanted It. 

And My Heart Hurt Again. I Really Really Like This Guy. Yes He Is Young. But We Really Like Eatchother, The Same Things. Yet We Are Both Totally Opposite. 

I Was So Thankful To Get Back To A Big Gay City Like PDX. The Opportunitys & Adventure. Yet So Damn Sad. Hurt. I Like This Guy & Really Want To Stay Here & Peruse Things With Him See Where It Goes. But I Know Tuesday I Need To Leave And Go To PDX Where George Is Coming To Get Me. 

I Have To Come Back To Maintain My Meds, To See My Doc, Tony, And Warren. I Want To Not Lose What I Have With Him. It’s Just Hard, Often Being Blessed With So Much And Loseing So Much The Things You Care Most About Over & Over. 

The Indian Guys I Was Always Nice Too Got A Place Here. They Said I Could Stay With Them! So Now Now I Have Some Really Difficult Decisions To Make. I Always Say: “Follow Your Heart & Gut, It’s Always Right”

And Like In The Book “Blink” Often Your First Gut Feeling Is Correct / The Right One. 

I Really Don’t Know What To Do. It’s Been A Crazy Few Months/Weeks/Days. I’ll Let You Know Though.

Love: Decon Chad Call – “Xychad”

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#Tired #GayBoy #Me #Excited To Hang With My Babe!¬†For What’s Been Up See My: TW / IG / FB

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Russian authorities arrest Kaspersky researcher for high treason (updated)

Hum. #InfoSec

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Encrypted Email Service Once Used by Edward Snowden Relaunches


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I Love & Miss #Castro #SF Every Day: So Many Neat Historical Spots, And This Amazing Sense Of Home / Community!¬†(Though Crazy Expensive Lately)¬†I Love #TwinPeaksTavern¬†¬†It’s A Bit Of That History Just Up From: #Harveys #Badlands #Lookout Right Next To #OrpanAndys¬†It Was Opened In 1935. But Was Purchased By Cunha And Forster In 1971, Is Believed To Be The First Gay Bar In The Nation With Full Length Glass Windows Allowing Patrons Inside To See Out, Others To See In.¬†Also Many Of The Older Gay Bars Had Hidden Rooms & Escape Tunnels!¬†Be Sure To Be Thankful To The Generations Of Older Gay Men & Women That Fought For You Rights! It Was Drag Queens & The Gays That Rallied Behind Harvey Milk & At Stonewall! That’s Why You Have The Right To Wear Your Pink Tank Top, Hold The Guys Hand You Like, Kiss Your BF In Public, & So Much More.¬†Furthermore Thank Veterans & Men/Women In Uniform. It’s Why We Live In A Free America At All.¬†We Are So Blessed As Gay Young Adults, And As An American Nation.¬†I Have Lived Outside The US. I Realize How Amazingly Good We Have It. We Are Blessed.¬†If We Want To Keep It We Will Have To Have Faith, Work, Fight & Sacrifice As Those That Came Before Us Did.¬†#LoveIsLove¬†Have A Great Night! Imma Go Change My Laundry & Watch #LastShip.¬†

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Wow So Yesterday Crazy Moment:¬†I Grew Up In Cassia County. There They Used To Identify The Busses With Unique Identifying Markings.¬†Mine Was 85-1. I Saw My Childhood School Bus I Used To Ride Everyday Day On A Rual Route To School!¬†I Was Like Wow. It’s Now Owed My Some Crazy Hippy Bible Church In Pocatello.

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Right Now & What Has Looked Like Almost Everyday For The Past Few Weeks Here In Idaho! ‚ĚĄ‚ĚĄ¬†Training Was Short, Walk Was Long. But Good Day.¬†Glad To Be Home Napping, Laundry & Watching My Show :)¬†Last Night Was Super Fun! Great Wine, Drag Race & Amazing Company! ūüĆą¬†

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#loveisloveūüĆą ¬†That’s Why We Have #pride¬†I Love All Of You, Be Smart, Think, Use Logic, Follow Your Heart & Gut In The Choices You Make.¬†Know That When Your Church, Family, Peers Turn On You;¬†You Have Another Family And Are Part Of Something Bigger Your Loved.

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Good News #TeenWolf Leaks Continue! ūüėĀ

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